Does your child have a friend that they just can't get along with? Mine does. It goes like this. She begs to have her over. Counts down the minutes until she arrives. Gives giant hugs that lead you to believe they haven't seen each other in years. Begin to play. Ten minutes later- screeches and cries coming from their direction. They fight over toys. Who gets to wear what dress-up. Who is the prince and who is the princess. Who is in charge of what game.
Basically I have a very strong willed (okay, bossy) child. And when she gets together with someone else who is used to being in charge it causes problems.
Not only that but this child I am thinking of plays differently than Jolie. She is younger yet she likes big kid stuff. She loves to watch Hannah Montana and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. She talks about boyfriends and being cool. And she is 3 years old! And no she does not have any older siblings to show her this stuff.
I feel a little snobby that I don't like Jolie to play with this little girl. I just can't handle the fighting and the things this little girl talks about. It's not that it is naughty. It just somehow seems inappropriate for kids their age. Is it bad that I try to avoid playdates with this child as much as possible?
I guess the question is am I really opposed to the friendship because they argue, or is it really just that I don't like this little girl? I think she is kind of mean.
Yesterday I heard her tell Jolie they weren't friends anymore because she wouldn't do what she wanted her to. Jolie was so hurt! I just don't like that kind of manipulation in a 3 year old. Is that wrong? Why do I feel so guilty?
Oh well, I know I will probably let them play again sometime anyway. I am just not good at saying no. And I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Pre-Schoolers At Play
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4 comments:
Sorry no personal advice. Thats a hard one. The only thing I can think of (and you are probably already doing this) is to make sure that you talk to Jolie after each play date. Make sure that you help her point out what good happened and what not so good happened while they were playing. It will really help her identify her feelings and it may help her to not mimic this girl. Unfortunatly you can't shelter your kids from everything and so at least you know what she is exposed to (even when it isn't anything bad) so that you can talk to them about it.
I don't know, really just a thought!
ps I don't think you are a snob!
Oooh, that bugs. This is not the super nice Anne answer. I'm not in that type of mood. It really bugs me when children are already in to being cool, and into things that are totally age-inappropriate. (OK I liked the Culture Club when I was 6, because of my older siblings, so I'm a hypocrite.) The point is, I'm sure she's getting it from her mother. I had 2nd grade girls in my class who had the most ridiculously stylie/expensive wardrobes for Nordstrom and who were saavy enough to ask me one day if I was wearing 7s jeans. I'm being totally 100% judgemental right now, but I am just so bugged by that. I would so much rather that by kids be uncool (not that I'm going to make them wear floody pants or something) and just NICE. As far as advice, I'm probably not in the right mood to give any. If I were you I'd avoid this little girl, too. The manipulative stuff is particularly disturbing.
Hey Katie!
I think I know exactly what you mean!!! That's why I so enjoyed our playdates in the park-somewhere neutral that we could opt out of at any given time, and only have responsibility for our own kids while we were there. Regardless of what anyone says, nobody's kids are as easy/good/tolerable as our own, and no two kids can get along all the time either. Feel free to make up excuses if you don't have the energy for it, it's easier than being frustrated and resentful about having the other kid around! It's okay too, I think, to let the other Mom know that the playing is more fighting than enjoying each other and that you can't handle the two together. Also, getting knocked up helps-it's a good excuse to get out of pretty much everything!!! :)
-Wendy
Katie,
Can I just say that I was having a bad, no BAD day when I wrote that comment?! And even though I pretty much think those things, I'm sorry I was soooo negative and sassy!
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